TIMES OF IDIOCY

Haiku Tuesday

2011-09-13T02:37:00.011+10:00

Heading to Japan

Sumo. Mt Fuji. Ueno.

Back to run amok

Haiku Tuesday

2011-08-30T10:29:00.008+10:00

I guess I’m a “suit”

Corporate job. Cubicle farm.

Epic cup tower

Haiku Tuesday

2011-08-23T08:59:00.000+10:00

Month long festival

International artists

Photos of boobies

Haiku Tuesday

2011-08-16T06:36:00.013+10:00

Gallery setup

Ballarat Biennale

Waiting to be filled

Haiku Tuesday

2011-08-09T20:58:00.012+10:00

Tuesday night party

Filling out the Census form

All lies upon lies

Haiku Tuesday

2011-08-02T08:50:00.001+10:00

Setting the standard

That’s quality work Woolworth’s

Next time use spell check

Sofles, This Friday

2011-08-01T22:34:00.000+10:00

Haiku Tuesday

2011-07-26T05:57:00.001+10:00

Playing with Lego
Simple, yet is amazing
“My child can do that”

Haiku Tuesday

2011-07-19T06:38:00.007+10:00

Talkin 'bout Your Gen
Lots of awkward silences
Cringe worthy bad jokes

Photo sneaked by Echo

Haiku Tuesday

2011-07-12T06:11:00.000+10:00

Words aren't always words
Poets know how to bend them
They're damn sexy too

Haiku Tuesday

2011-07-05T06:14:00.022+10:00

Shimmy Shimmy Ya
"Yeah baby I like it raw"
Big Baby Jesus

Haiku Tuesday

2011-06-28T06:31:00.007+10:00

I'd hate to drive it

A car with long bunny ears

Pimpin ain't easy

A moment in time with... Steph

2011-06-23T06:52:00.013+10:00

There is a place in Ballarat that I’ve been meaning to go to for ages. Half shop, half gallery; all class. I had to check it out.

I had a free Saturday (rare, you know, because I’m an important person, and always busy and all), so I ventured over to the Red Brick Gallery, to peruse their collection of trinkets, see who had an exhibit on, and most importantly, purchase some much needed Roller Derby tickets. As I was buying the tickets, I shared some delightful banter with Steph. The English accented, pink haired gal who owned and ran the store. We talked about the freezing temperature in The Rat, the idiosyncrasies of Daylesford, and bogans. The opportunity was too good to pass up, so I stole a moment of her time.

What was your favourite TV show as a kid, and what is your favourite one now?
"My favourite TV show when I was a kid? I really liked… It was a British BBC version of Robin Hood. It was very romantic, and I wanted to be Maid Marian."
Bo: “Maid Marian and her Merry Men?”
“Yeah, I just loved it! Either that, or Postman Pat. I DID like Postman Pat. He was just so happy, so helpful, and cheery. Yep, and now, I really like Mary Queen of Shops. Have you seen it?”
Bo: “Yes, the one where she goes around to shit shops and fixes them up”
“Yes! Oh my God, my new motto is “What would Mary do?” I think she’s amazing!”

Name something you do in secret, when you think no one is around.
"Talk to myself. Yep; but not about what I’m doing, I replay conversations I’ve had with other people. Then say the things that I would have said if I was cooler and funnier at the time. So I’ll be working away, then suddenly I’ll be all like “HAHA! You KNOW that’s true!”. Or something random like that. It’s a bit embarrassing. People do hear me, I can’t help myself. Sometimes it just comes out loud. Cringey though."

Would you rather be a squirrel or a monkey, and why?
"A squirrel. Every time. Squirrels are really cute. There’s a lot of personality in a squirrel. You don’t get squirrels here.”
Bo: “No, we don’t, no. Don’t get monkeys either”
“No, that’s true. But you get monkeys in zoos here. I don’t think you’re even allowed squirrels in zoos here. Aren’t they one of those species that are kind of banned? Because they just take over the world? Yeah, I reckon they’d just go feral, and kill all the possums or something… they’re secretly vicious! Because in the UK, there are two kinds of squirrel. There’s a red squirrel, and a grey squirrel. But the grey squirrel…"
Bo: “Like the Bloods and the Crips”
“Yeah! But they like wiped out the Bloods! There are almost like no red squirrels left. Red squirrels are now endangered. The greys used to go into their nest, kick them out, and then take over the nest. They’d ruin it, and take over their habitats and stuff”
Bo: “I never knew squirrels were so gangster”
“hahaha neither did I! I mean, they’re kind of cute and all, and then they’re bustin caps in asses. They’re evil. These are really random questions by the way”
Bo: “Oh they are. They’re the big issues”

What gets under your skin?
"Yeah… This is going to sound really boring, and deep… but people who aren’t genuine. Like, have you ever talked to people, and you know that they… that you can see behind their eyes, that they are not saying a whole lot of stuff. They’re looking at you, and they’re smiling, but there’s so much going on behind there. I mean, just, put it out there. That gets under my skin."

Tell us one thing that you have always wanted to do, but haven't?
"I don’t think there is anything. I just think, I’m not one of these people that have like, ‘To Do’ lists, and then puts them off. I’m too impetuous. I kind of just… if I want to do it, I just do it. I’d like to travel more… but that’s kind of boring. There’s no one thing that I’m like “God damn! I WISH I could do that”. There was this [opening up the shop]”
Bo: “This, is quite cool”
“Yeah, but now I’ve done it man”
Bo: “Might as well close up shop. Just kick things over…”
“hahahaha yeah, no… I can’t really answer that. I can’t really think of anything. That’s boring isn’t it? I wish I had something.”

What do you think my next question will be?
"… … … Yeah, I don’t know. Something equally as random… Yep."
Bo: “That’s such a let down”
“Yeah, that’s a lame answer. I’m not good at this game!”

Wait, this is a game? I’m much better at Monopoly.

Thankyou for pitying me, and agreeing to do this Steph. It was nice to meet you, and I enjoyed hanging out in your store. If you had a stoop I’d be stooping there on the reg. You better believe it. Yo.

To the 3 followers out there, Red Brick Gallery is a cool, quirky little store that stocks all kinds of wonderful things that you need in your life. And did I mention that they support emerging artists, by exhibiting their works in the gallery upstairs? Yeah. I suggest you go visit. Go. Go now. NOW.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-06-21T06:13:00.000+10:00

A hipster hangout

Fresh waffles and fruit

Ponyfish Island

Haiku Tuesday

2011-06-14T06:53:00.010+10:00

He gets his name up

Someone in Fitz don't like it

His name is "dicknose"

Haiku Tuesday

2011-06-07T06:44:00.007+10:00

Running and barking
It's bring your dogs to work day
Don't step in their poop

Week In Review, With A Pic Or Two

2011-06-02T02:52:00.001+10:00

1 year ago.

Let the pictures do the talking.

Beef.

SheOne.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-05-31T06:41:00.019+10:00

Breakfast at Bibo's

Croque-monsieur and orange juice

It was delicious

Thought for the day

2011-05-28T08:00:00.008+10:00

One down, two to go.

Week in review, with a pic or two

2011-05-26T05:36:00.124+10:00

Well hello again, it's that time of the internet again, yes, another week in review; but this isn't really a week per say, more of a fortnight. Lots of things that were seen, eaten and done. Also a lot of things that weren't captured on camera. I'm lazy that way.

Let's start with beer. I love the stuff. Sweet, delicious golden beer.

The weather has been nice of late. Like REAL nice.

I have some dust inside my camera lens. It's pissing me right off. How do I get it out??

It air smells of it when you drive past.

All Star Comics. Go check them out. They have an awesome store.

My saviour. Thanks Myncs.

Bike thief.

Richmond has some nice architecture. It's to EYE for. Hahahahahahaha... oh you. *high five*

I had never explored this area before. There are some nice buildings.

Another one goes up...

"Camo I"

Church Street, Richmond

Is this someones house? A business? Who knows.

My Uncle makes his mark

We saw "Fear of a Brown Planet Attacks". They are brown, and they're funny. I know, I didn't think brown could be funny either, but it can be!

I don't know what this was, but I know it was weird.

After the show we felt like dumplings, so we headed down to Chinatown. We stumbled across some lame-o street festival in Chinatown. It was LAME. O.

We planned on going to Hu-Tong, but it was too packed. So we decided to try the place next door, Hofbrauhaus.

Yes. The food was delicious. DELICIOUS.

Hey, drag your mouse over the pic!

Dessert. My favourite meal.

It needs more cowbell.

Dancing.

The best bunny Busker I have ever seen. The best Jerry! The best!!

It's PALM Sunday not FERN Sunday!

Miso @ No Vacancy

Molly getting his photo taken with the cast of "Rock of Ages"

New season of The Block is being filmed here.

THEY SPOTTED ME!

The Bended Elbow, Ballarat

$12 burger night

NO! These are NOT Spider-men!

Chinese Take-away. They only have four things on the menu. I'm pretty sure the place is called "Louie Fong's"

We have a pool in the office.

Windermere St, Ballarat

Airport run.

Good Friday Mass.

Hunky Dory.

Phillippa's, Richmond.

Stalking Molly.

Back at Shocolate. Our friend from Perth wasn't impressed.

annnnnd back to the German place. Again, our Perth friend wasn't impressed, and sent her food back.

She's dead to us now.

Passionflower. This is what I had...

and this is what someone else had.

Spider: Espresso ice-cream and Coke.

We headed up to the Dandenongs to gorge ourselves on the treats that the town had to offer...Cafe de Beaumarchais

Jiggaboo.

I don't know what kind of kid would pay with this kind of doll...

Uncle Joe's balls will keep you aglow.

Country towns love Golliwogs. Did they not get the memo?

The best puppet shop I have ever seen in my entire life. The best Jerry, the best!

It's appropriately called Geppetto's Workshop.

Again with the Golliwogs...

So Frenchy, So chic

TEA!

Glorious tea.

Yeah, I smashed that.

Marfuggen Jenga Yo.

Featuring such moves as "the reach-around", "the pinky touch", and "I'll just give it a smash".

Nyala.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand back at Passionflower.

Alasya.

Deborah (from Everybody Loves Raymond)?

My new flatmates.

Beechworth Bakery, Ballarat

She spotted me.

Yeah, we also have a pet lizard in the office.

Hey, mouse over the pic!

What is the meaning of this? Is it real?

Shida.

Life is harsh.

Life is harsh.

Yes, the poor little fella only has three legs!

Buffed Junky.

Life is harsh.

Shida.

"Mr White"

La Trobe St, Melbourne

Anyone been here or know what this is?

Third times a charm!

Hot, wet and horny in Ballarat.

and we had a mouse in the house.

and that's it. Big post I know. But I had to do this twice, because for some reason Blogger decided to restart itself, and lose all the hilarious and witty comments I had written. I had to re-upload everything too. So I hope you enjoyed this much shittier Week in Review 2.0.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-05-24T06:18:00.011+10:00

Graffiti in Ballarat

Apparently there is more

I think they mean tags

Haiku Tuesday

2011-05-17T05:28:00.002+10:00

Another OZ tour?

They Ain't Nuthing ta Fuck Wit

Wu-Tang killa bees!

Week in review, with a pic or two

2011-05-13T08:00:00.014+10:00

Just random shots because I am a random guy...

Sunset at Alma Park

Spicy Fish. It's cheap but it's not good. Atleast the meal I ate wasn't good. And I eat McDonalds sometimes so that's not setting the bar very high. The oil had a tinge of highlighter green and it was glowing. What have I just consumed?

Rake booby traps. Not as funny in real life when compared to the old WB cartoons.

What are those shitty mirrors used for anyway? Are they to see what you are carrying at the back? Concentrate on the road. Wank factor = bizillion.

How expensive are bananas? I'm over it. I haven't had one in years...times are tough.

Hellenic Republic. One of George Calombaris ventures. So delicious. I can't believe I haven't been before. Highly recommended. Good luck with the waiting list though.

I hate those small ball things. The whole concept is vile.

I'm old dammit! Thus, I can park anywhere I want. Yes, that includes in the middle of the road!

En Garde!

Honestly.

Checked into Hosier Lane. Not for the graffiti of course. Although here, I'll class it as art.

For BoSelecta.

Dreary, dreary Melbourne. God I love it.

Movida Tapas. Excellent. Super pricey for tapas but excellent nonetheless.

Always have the right change when paying for parking. If you only have notes, try to not use the big ones.

Pay your respect people for royalty is amongst us.

It's not as good as Suntory Boss but I'm pulling at straws here.

Oriental Tea House. Clean and tasty. Tea is a fucking rip off though.

Not if I overtake you. Cocky bastard!

"Sigh".

Haiku Tuesday

2011-05-10T08:00:00.000+10:00

Irradiation,
The acsension of Christ,
But what's Kate wearing?

(How to write a) Haiku Tuesday

2011-05-03T08:00:00.001+10:00

Is it a Monday?
Or what about a Wednesday?
No, it's a Tuesday...

First, five syllables.
Second, seven syllables.
Then, five syllables.

Sneaker Freaker Recap

2011-05-03T00:58:00.002+10:00

What an epic day. I thought it was going to be boring, but I was surely mistaken. This recap can make up for that though, and be as boring as waiting for a haircut, when there are 4 elderly gentlemen in front of you, and you’ve already waited 20 minutes, so you’ve invested too much time to call it quits, and you want to stick it out, but you’re already 45 minutes into your lunch break, and there aren’t any magazines to read except for an agribusiness one with a tractor on the front.

I had very little sleep, and was up at 7:30am, ready to begin the day of whoring my wares. As I was staying in a hotel, I was supposed to buy a bar of soap the night before (I forgot to pack soap, shampoo etc.), but I forgot. Thankfully the hotel had a soap dispenser within the shower, so I could at least wash myself with some sort of soap derivative. It was the same soap that you get in soap dispensers in toilets. Yes. I washed myself with toilet hand soap. Don’t judge me. I’ve had a shower with no soap before (I guess you’d call it a rinse), and it’s no picnic. I’m one step closer to calling myself clean by giving myself a once over with a wet one.

Anyway, I had a shower, and was excited to have a good breakfast before making my way to Fed Square for the 8:30am setup. Crispy bacon, some eggs, a hash brown, a sausage, some tomatoes, mushrooms and buttered toast; pair that with some orange juice, and I was ready to rumble. Unfortunately the only thing on that list that was available was the juice and toast. It was $87 a night, what do you expect. I had a coffee and made my way to Fed Square.

I arrived at the Atrium in Fed Square, hijacked a trolley from Hans, commandeered a table, and unboxed shoes. Left ones were the worn, right ones were the dead stock. I was surprised at how packed it already was. Seems like a lot of people like to get up early on a Sunday morning. Weirdos. As I was putting shoes out, people were walking past, taking a look, picking them up, and asking for prices. I wasn’t expecting bites so soon.

My sister and her boyfriend arrived to also whore their wares, but we were running out of space on our measly table, so we absorbed the table next to us. You snooze you lose. We arranged our clothes, shoes, magazines and what nots, and dealt with everyone rummaging through our stuff. I was a little under prepared with the pricing, but once we sorted that out, and got everything tagged, we were good. Our table looked great, and I reckon we had the best variety of sneakers than anyone there. All of our stuff looked brand new, and most people thought we were a proper sneaker store, asking for various sizes etc., and for stuff we didn’t have.

A lot of people came through and browsed. It was quite a varied mix. I’m pretty sure some people were homeless, yet they had quite a thorough knowledge of what we were selling, and how rare they were. I guess you can’t judge a book by it’s cover; and I’m pretty good at being judgemental.

It was fun having a joke with the punters, and the other crews selling their stuff. It seemed like a lot of the other sellers walked around and inspected what everyone else was selling. Or clapping. There was that one jerk who kept clapping the whole day. WHAT WAS WITH THE CLAPPING!?!?!? WHY ARE YOU CLAPPING!?!?!? ENOUGH WITH THE CLAPPING!

I didn’t take any pictures. Not one. There were enough people out there taking photos, and especially taking photos of our stuff. When I came home last night, I noticed there were already photos up on tumblr and various blogs, and we were in most of them. *sigh* Was it my Crooks t-shirt? Or perhaps the ethnic diversity behind the table? Who knows. All I know is that people wanted a piece of that Public Enemy x Supreme hoody of mine, and a lot of pics were taking of it. Bloody hipsters. Remember when Supreme used to be respectable? These days every Joe Blogs who has a tumblr is reblogging photos of Supreme crap, or jumping on the Supreme bandwagon. You’re a decade too late. The nutters in Odd Future aren’t helping either.

Anywho, what was I saying…? Yes, taking photos. Lots of photos up on the interwebs right now. There was that one girl with the blue hat taking photos. Hi lady, you had a nice smile. As most of the Melbourne heads connected to the scene were out in full force, I recognised a few people from my e-stalking, but I didn’t say anything. I’m a creep like that. I sold DJ Peril a pair of Puma Clydes. He’s a good guy.

Apparently the forums run by Carbon were a bit unorganised, and weren’t very good. The highlight was Futura though. Word on the street was that he was a pretty funny, normal guy. It seemed that the international presenters were all pretty nice guys; even the baby faced Bobby Hundreds was walking around with us common folk.

If you want to check out some of the pictures click these:

BB22183 photos.

Walk through video.

Sneaker Freaker Forum

Spatterbug's photos.

Emma Lee's photos.

Bobby Hundred's photos.

Mafia's photos.

Drink Nike's photos.

A big thanks to Hans for organising the event, and a shout out to Brendan, Taz, Pete, and Jayne. Go check out their websites, they do good things. It was nice to catch up with everyone, and to meet some new people. It was a good day. I will definitely be at the next one.

Rollerblading is gay.

2011-05-02T10:39:00.000+10:00

SNEAKER SWAP MEET THIS SUNDAY!

2011-04-29T00:39:00.003+10:00

This Sunday, in conjunction with Carbon, the good people over at Sneaker Freaker are holding a MASSIVE sneaker swap meet. Why do I mention this? Well I'll be there whoring my wares! I have a shit-tonne of things to get rid of, so come grab some heat, say hello, and enjoy the festivities.

Futura and Sofles will be there painting, so it can't all be bad.

Come make a day of it.

Click the image for more goodies

Haiku Tuesday

2011-04-26T06:47:00.001+10:00

Today's topic was suggested by the delightful Miss Fernandes.

Dirty filthy porn
At least she keeps her shoes on
Adidas Shell Toes

Merry Easter!

2011-04-24T01:24:00.000+10:00

Week In Review, With A Pic Or Two

2011-04-19T23:55:00.003+10:00

This was a little while ago now. Two weeks maybe? I know we've been slack on the posts, I know, I know! I'm sorry. But we're very busy with our lives. Lives in the real world. Well, everyone except Gauth. What does he even do these days? I know Myncs has discovered Facebook, and all he does is leave blank messages everywhere; but some of us have had serious life changes. Yes, I've discovered God. He's my homeboy.

Backwoods.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

She did an amazing cover of Nina Simone's "I'm feeling good". I wish I wrote down her name...

Cheeky Monkey.

They were filming an ad for British Airways on Swanston St. Why a British Company would film an ad in Melbourne, in front a building that "feels British" is beyond me...

St Patty's.

Stabsy McStabs. Above. Rone. Ha-Ha.

Behemoth.

Heaven.

"The Block"

AC/DC Lane, Melbourne CBD

This guy!

I thought we were going to see a presentation for a version of Linux, but it turned out to be some ethnics dancing about. I'm pretty sure Bangs was there.

Sometimes those dreams are nightmares...

Screw Da Man.

Some Japanese place in Ballarat that I forget the name of...

but the food wasn't Japanese... as much as it was Chinese. It's "white person" Asian.

The sky was falling...

A plane maybe?

DRIVE-THROUGH BAKERY.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-04-19T06:20:00.000+10:00

Outrageous prices
For food with poor quality
Perth is a rip off!

How is the veg and non-veg price the same!?!?!?!?! And $12.90 for eggs on toast? Fark off.

Thought for the day

2011-04-15T08:00:00.003+10:00

Is this the best of the worst?

10 Hates

2011-04-14T17:46:00.001+10:00

Sitting on a plane, preparing for take-off, I was writing in my notebook for my Facebook Stalker article and reading over some other pieces I hadn’t completed. I remember Boselecta saying that we all should write a “10 Hates” article and I was finding it quite difficult to come up with something to hate on.

Enter the passenger sitting next to me for the flight… HOLY SHIT! I’d never been so pissed off for such a long amount of time in my life. As soon as the hate boiled up; my pen just kept writing.

Here are the 10 things that pissed me most off at the time:

1. Sniffing

Let’s get to ONE of the things that my flight buddy did that started off this spiral of hate. *Sniff sniff* What’s that? *Sniff sniff* Your nose is runny? *Sniff sniff* You don’t have a tissue? *SNIIIIIIIFFFFFF* ASK SOMEONE FOR ONE AND FUCKING BLOW YOUR FUCKING NOSE!

The best sound a sick person can make.

2. People who eat with their mouth open.

I know different cultures have different standards on whether this is rude… but I don’t want to see the food sloshing around in your mouth. I also don’t want to hear wet smacking sounds of food being ground up either.

If this was my kid I’d slap the eyebrows off her face.

3. Trouser boners

It’s when your pants ride up, fold over and looks like a boner. No, it’s not an actual boner but you better believe other people think is. You sick, sick person… Getting boners over commercials about lung cancer…

Courtesy of Waffle Batter

4. Participation trophies/certificates

Everyone’s a winner? A great lesson to teach your kids: Don’t put in the effort and you’ll still be successful.

5. Coughing/sneezing without covering your mouth.

Wow… You don’t know this one already? I feel really sorry for you.

You cunt.

6. Trying to sync with a movie.

This is when someone who’s seen a movie once, maybe twice, and thinks they know the lines perfectly… What makes you think that I want to listen to you, Mumbles? Shut up and watch the movie.

7. Pee on the toilet seat.

How hard is it to use toilet paper? But a more important question: How fucking bad can your aim be? If you can’t use your God given man-hose the right way; you don’t deserve to have one.

8. Yappy dogs

“Mummy wuvs you! Yes she does! Mummy wuvs you so much! She’s going to buy you a new chew toy to go along with the hand bag I keep you in! Why? Because Mummy wuvs you!”

Seriously, lady... If you can punt your dog over a fence; it’s not a dog.

9. Fake tan.

I’ve only ever known one, maybe two, girls that have ever pulled off a fake tan and that’s because they were as pale as snow. Sexy, sexy snow…

*Ahem* Anyway, don’t do it ladies. It just doesn’t work.

10. The “aaahhhhhh” sound made after having a drink.

Really? Your drink was that refreshing? SOOOOO refreshing that everyone needs to know by making an obnoxious noise? LIFE IS NOT A FUCKING COMMERCIAL! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DRINK YOUR DRINK QUIETLY!

I hate people sometimes…

Haiku Tuesday

2011-04-12T08:00:00.001+10:00

Where are all the posts?
Can't seem to write something out...
Here is a kitty!

It's Friday!

2011-04-08T08:00:00.006+10:00

Hip-hop should not mix with Dance music

2011-04-07T08:00:00.017+10:00

There are many dance songs that incorporate rap that actually come off great. Unfortunately, there are a billion more dance songs with rap that are so shit, they outweigh the good ones ten fold. We have cockheads like David Guetta to thank for this specific bastardisation of dance music.

Before I continue, I want to state that on my Dance chart, I refer to some dance tracks that actually 'do' have people rapping on them. Let me say that these, in my opinion, are plausible tracks that I do enjoy. Faithless! Hello! However, the majority of dance tracks featuring rappers still sucks arse. I would go as far as stating, and you can quote me on this, 90% of all dance tracks, with rap, sucks arse.

If dance music never met up with rap ever again, nothing much would be missed. Even if we include the dance tracks with rap that are enjoyed. Fuck it! Just get rid of them all. It's for the better of this music genre. Hip-hoppers; they have cardboard to spin there craniums on. Buzz junkies; they use talcum powder on the floor to get the groove on. The two don't seem to mix on paper, but yet we painstackingly have to put up with so many filthy amalgamations getting released everyday...

In my experience, dance is the music genre that is played mostly in the majority of night clubs. You might disagree, but you can also get fucked, it's your choice. As of late, more so than ever, we see artist deriving from other music genres trying to get a slice of the dance music scene, to be a part of the action. Genres like Hip-Hop, R&B (more the up beat funk style), Indie, etc. Some are accepted, especially Indie. Funk is sometimes ok. But dance with Hip-hop generally (like I said before) sucks arse.

Here are some examples that make me want to eat crushed glass.

Dizzee Rascal - Bonkers
Random lyric - ...Some people think I'm bonkers...
Response - Your are right I'm one of them.

Ian Carey ft. Snoop Dogg & Bobby Anthony - Last Night
Random lyric - ...So take flight, cos I'm only in town for one night. Ya dig?...
Response - Thank fuck for that. Far from it.

Snoop Dogg - Sweat
Random lyric - Drip drip drip for me mommy can you drip drip drip, Drip drip drip for me mommy can you drip drip drip
Response - YOU ARE A FUCKING LOSER!

Tiësto vs Diplo feat Busta Rhymes - C'mon (Catch 'Em By Surprise)
Random lyric - ...now get your club on...
Response - Get your club on? Seriously.

These tracks are proof enough to take up the fight.

In conclusion, yes there are a number of dance songs that have rap in them that are good, but most sucks arse. Thus, let's put a stop to them on a whole. If not for you, then for future generations.

Cue the crickets.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-04-05T05:08:00.004+10:00

Five moves in two years
Moving is such a nightmare
I'll miss you Richmond

Thought for the day

2011-04-04T13:31:00.000+10:00

Delta is back on the market. Any takers?

Haiku Tuesday

2011-03-29T06:59:00.002+11:00

They get in your mind
Next thing you know, you're naked
Watch out for poets

Haiku Tuesday

2011-03-22T04:35:00.009+11:00

An artist creates
A doctor saves lives
I just Google "boobs"

Haiku Tuesday

2011-03-15T06:00:00.004+11:00

We have the beaches
There's something in the water
Beautiful exports

Week In Review, With A Pic Or Two

2011-03-09T06:41:00.001+11:00

Well, it's not technically one week; more of a blur of the last fortnight.

Lots of things going on. Lots of contemplating. Lots of decisions to be made. Oooooooohhhh cryptic. What do you expect?? I'm a jerk. Anyway, let the show begin!

Junky Projects

I don't care what the majority say, I loved these guys in the 90s, and I still love them now.

East Coast, West Coast, bah humbug!

He's no crow, but still. It's something.

Your friendly neighbourhood spider...

I have this same chart up in my bathroom.

Cheer up son

One of the scariest childrens rides I've ever seen

Jigga

Fuck Lush.

I don't know who did this, but you got the quadratic formula WRONG.

Idiots! It's MINUS "4ac" over "2a".

I like this shot.

"Bangsy"

Cromwell St, Collingwood

Molly's house.

Found him.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-03-08T07:27:00.006+11:00

No Perth hate today
Too many bloody complaints
A cat in a hat

Haiku Tuesday

2011-03-01T06:59:00.001+11:00

Girls barely covered
Not quite shorts, not quite undies
We call them "shundies"

Week in review, with a pic or two

2011-02-24T13:00:00.002+11:00

My week started with me peddling product. Instead of working that day, I hustled some kids into buying some of my sneakers at Perth's first Sneaker Swapmeet hosted by 1UP Microcinema. The sun was shining, the weather was sweet.. and I made a quick G flipping 7 pairs of shoes. A good Sunday. You can check out a review of the day over at G-Street, which features some more of my photos.

Curry Chicken Rice from Viet Hoa. Delicious.

I broke my Neighborhood porcelain incense burner. It was sitting on my window sill, window was open.. I put the blinds down leaving said window open.. the wind had it's way with it. It was such a gangster piece too, sigh.

I spent 2 hours putting it back together. It's still usable.. sigh.

Week finished off with me traveling to Brisbane for the weekend to visit some friends and attend some birthday festivities. Some photos from the Cultural Center in West End.

GOMA (Gallery of Modern Art) - quite impressive.

Plastic bags.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-02-22T05:07:00.000+11:00

It may have beaches
But it seems that's all they have
Still a country town

Airport Security

2011-02-17T06:00:00.001+11:00

Not being able to sleep on airplanes makes me a right royal arsehole when I disembark. This in turn inflames my rage toward my number one pet hate of flying...security checks.

Returning from overseas after a long flight, I land at Sydney airport lugging my work laptop and a knapsack via hand luggage. I then retrieve my suitcase via the carousel. After going through all my possessions with the intrusive gung-ho security staff at the international gates, I then check my suitcase back on so I can catch a domestic flight to Melbourne.

I line up for another security check to get onto my final flight...well hopefully. I place my laptop and wallet on a tray and shove it through the all seeing conveyor belt, then walk through the sensor. "Beep", keys, "Beep", belt...and no beep. I repack the laptop on the other side for the seventeenth time, then attempt to make my way to the gate where my plane will shortly leave. Out of nowhere I am approached by a security staff member with a wand and a piece of paper.

Security: "Excuse me sir would you like to partake in a random security check?"
Me: "No"
Security: "Can you kindly read this?"

He hands me a piece of paper to read. I knew I should have shaved.

Me: "What does this say?"
Security: "Just kindly read it sir."

In the exhaustive state I'm in, I attempt to read but nothing registers. I hand it back.

Security: "So would you like to partake in a random security check?"
Me: "I have a choice don't I?"
Security: "Yes"
Me: "Then. No!"

He hands me back the paper to read.

Security: "Can you kindly read this?"

I then reattempt to read his precious text only to realise my brain just doesn't care for the task. Again, I hand it back.

Me: "Why don't you just tell me what's on this paper?"
Security: "It states that if you don't participate in the security check, we have the right to not allow you on the plane.

So many options, so little time.

Me sarcastically: "I'd love to take part in this random security check!" ^_^

Fucking arsehole.

He continues over to a different desk where he further examines my laptop. He fits an attachment to his wand and starts waving it over the laptop. Some sick security ritual I guess.

Wand: "BEEP, BEEP...BEEP"
Security: "Hmmmm"

What does hmmmm mean?

Me: "What's going on?"
Security: "It's just read positive"
Me: "Positive? Positive for what?"
Security: "Explosives"
Me: "EXPLOSIVES!?! It's a laptop!"
Security: "It may have been that during the course of your trip, the bag was in contact with explosives"
Me: "No! No! No! The bag was NOT in contact with explosives"

Surrounding people become alerted to my raised voice. In a split second, I have somehow become a part of the Taliban.

Me: "So what happens now?"
Security: "I test it two more times. If it reads two out of three times positive I will have to body search you."

I pause for a second but inside my head it feels like an eternity. o_0 I visualize myself naked on all fours with this bastard getting ready to go in with a thin layer of latex. I quickly sum up my fears. He's going up my arse...HE'S GOING UP MY ARSE!

He waves his wand a second time...deafening silence. No beep.

He waves his wand a third time...my arse cheeks clench. No beep.

Security: "You’re good to go sir."

Thank you gracious Lord. My arse remains a virgin. I rush to my plane where cabin crew and fellow passengers pierce daggers through me, as all this time I have been holding up the plane. The plane takes off and eventually lands at Tullamarine. "Sigh". Melbourne. Sweet Melbourne. How I have longed to touch your soil again. I grab my knapsack and explosive laptop and wait at the carousel for my suitcase. Whilst waiting I try to start my body's power save mode only to spot fifty metres away my next downfall. A sniffer dog. A beagle to be exact. I have travelled for ten hours now and stink. All my dirty clothes in my knapsack stink. My laptop smells of explosives. Let the games begin.

The beagle pulls his fat arse security guard partner over my way and starts sniffing my knapsack. I fantasize about the dog being rolled up into a ball and placed in front of a soccer goal, where I execute the winning goal for my team via a memorable penalty shot.

Security: "How are you today sir?"
Me: "Awesome"
Security: "Do you have any foods, plants or illegal substances in your bag?"
Me: "No. Just clothes".
Security: "Well my little friend here says you do"

A new fantasy unravels in my head of me biting chunks of flesh out of this woman’s fat face.

Me: "Well he'd be wrong."
Security: "Security dogs are well trained sir and hardly ever make mistakes"
Me: "So what do you want me to do?"
Security: "Could you kindly open your bag sir?"

You cannot open a navy blue canvas knapsack and see what inside, because it's simply too dark. Either you fill it up or empty it. So there I was, in the middle of Tullamarine airport with my jocks, socks and all sorts across the floor, with this insidious mutt sniffing through my already soiled clothes.

Security: "Oh well, even security dogs make mistakes"

She waddles off with Fido. I repack my now dog infested clothes into the knapsack and continue waiting at the carousel for my suit case. I try to go to a happy place.

Thought for the day

2011-02-16T06:00:00.054+11:00

If I want to be your lover, 'I' got to get with your 'friends'?

No sweat.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-02-15T05:18:00.020+11:00

WORST PIZZA EVER

Unknown meats and plastic cheese
Please avoid this place

Rifo's in Maylands, Western Australia

Week in review, with a pic or two

2011-02-11T06:00:00.041+11:00

It's actually like a couple of months in review. I had to chillax, while BoSelecta shared his three series spread of his 'Japan week in review'. I assume you don't care anyway. If you are bored enough to stumble across this site, your expectations shouldn't be that high. Let's roll them out.

My weapon of choice, when getting smashed. I dabble in other alcohols as well, but when it's time to go hard it's a good all rounder.

Wherever there is Christmas there is always Christmas hip-hop dancers. Why? Who the fuck knows. Ho, Yo, Ho.

Collins Quarter. Mixed crowd, mainly visited after work by white collars and the like. Pretty boring but you can make something out of it. It's all perception.

The Carlton Club. A bit more lively. Three floors with a magnificent roof top view of the city.

Ahh Melbourne. It might not be as big as New York or Tokyo, but it certainly has character.

Speaking of character, here is a place that lacks that as an attribute. The Spice Market. Made up of hero head bouncers that are anal on letting you into a night club where there just simply is no room to dance.

In a scattered state we some how end up at Billboards. Uni night. LOL. I felt old by I didn't care, good tunes, and I could let loose as there was no class there anyway.

Comingled. I know what it means but let's be serious. Noone uses that word...comingled. Say it with me. "Comingled".

Lucky Strike is Santa's choice apparently as they are easy on his throat..."sigh".

We brought the new year in by investing in some fire crackers. Best money I ever spent. That shit was off the fucking hook. It was Sydney Harbour Bridge standard.

Summadayze 2011. Highlights? Justice. Wow! Wow! Wubbzy! Wubbzy! Wubbzy! Wow! Wow!

Flags. Why? Because.

Even the crow walks away from the burgundy Camry.

Red socks with a suit. Not even Man-To-Man would put up with that shit.

Let's go to Sydney. I'm just saying.

'Ausgang'. It's German for 'Exit'. German engineered and German design. Made for Germans by Germans...So basically if the plane is going down, they want the Germans to know first, before the rest of us.

Fluffy.

My hotel. No, it's not a brothel. At least I think it wasn't.

Let's explore this so called Sydney and bring Times of Idiocy to it. Sydney has a better train system than Melbourne. You can catch a train from the airport into the city. It's not a big thing internationally, but if you live in Melbourne you would know how much this hurts. Plus Sydney has a monorail just like Springfield. Bonus!

Who the fuck advertises Lego?

Better to advertise our product, I say. Sydney let me introduce ourselves.

There was a Bada Bing...

...and there was a Buddha Bing,

but I can assure you there was no bada boom. What's the big deal anyway. I mean it's a cool city but it ain't the bees knees. There was plenty of deros and what's with all the kebab joints.

It was so hot everybody was sweating. See how wet this guys back is? He was a bit weird actually. He listened to his iPhone whilst loudly reciting 'Lean On Me'. Excuse the jitter in the shot, he was walking real fast.

The Sydney Opera House. Pretty cool to look at.

Nice harbour.

Nice bridge.

I don't believe we've met. Oh we have? Well let's do it again. And again...

Pitt Street Mall. No biggy.

"There's no stopping us. No stopping. Noone does it better..."

Helpful Hints: How to stop being a Facebook Stalker

2011-02-09T08:30:00.013+11:00

So you need a guide to stop being a Facebook stalker?

Hey, we’ve all been there and some people don’t even realise they have a problem. So well done, you’re already on your way to recovery.

Now, what can you do to stop being a stalker?

Firstly, allow me to provide you with a definition:

Stalking – obsessively following an individual or individuals, usually considered harassment.

In this case, to simplify, it means you’re obsessed with someone and you constantly follow them on Facebook. Your every waking moment is spent refreshing their wall over and over again waiting for something to pop up, hoping against hope, that it’s something you can comment on.

If this is you, you need to realise that just because someone has added you as a friend it doesn’t mean you can keep tabs on them. There’s a reason why it’s awkward when someone tells you about a party you weren’t at and you say “Oh yeah, the one where you were dressed up as a cow and then pretended to have sex with the crocodile, right?”

So, how can you kick the habit of being a stalker?

Allow me to provide you with another definition:

Sleuthing – collecting information about someone or something, usually via detective work.

Think of it as a form of voyeurism, where people’s privacy is their own decision (or not thanks to Facebook’s quite subtle, and obscure, privacy settings). However, unlike voyeurism, everyone keeps their clothes on and there’s no chance of being caught… well, if you delete your history.

History, or it never happened.

You might be thinking this is still stalking, but you’d be wrong. Pay attention now, because I’m only going to say this once:

It’s not stalking if you don’t know the person.

If you’re unsure about what counts, here are three simple rules:

Are they one of your friends? Stalker.
Have you met/had contact with the person before? Stalker.
There are no exceptions to Rules 1 & 2.

You might be saying now “Okay, I’m a stalker! You still haven’t told me how to fix this problem!”

That’s easy, by substituting "stalking" with "sleuthing".

With my simple 5 Step program you’ll no longer be hitting alt+tab every time a mutual friend walks into the room. You’ll be confident and even welcome them over to check out your new activity.

Step 1: Go onto a friend’s wall.

Usually you want to sleuth attractive people and I believe in the maxim “attractive people have attractive friends.” So, go to one of your more socially attractive friend’s wall.

For example,

A model/singer/dancer

Step 2: Scroll down their wall until you find a thumbnail that catches your attention.

If it’s a celebrity photo: don’t bother.

If it’s a piece of art work: no point.

If it’s someone showing a bit more skin than usual: you have a winner.

Winner! Winner! Chicken dinner!

Note: Don’t forget Rule 2. If you’ve met them before, or vaguely know them… Stalker!

Step 3: Don’t stop at one.

If you’ve never heard the saying “don’t count your chickens before they hatch” then I don’t know where you’ve been the last century. Basically, these days people are more aware of privacy settings and will limit how much access you have to their wall/photos. To compensate for this you want to use the shotgun method and open as many tabs, of as many people as your browser can load.

Step 4: Narrow down the targets.

Usually thumbnails can be misleading and leave a bad taste in your mouth when you see the photo enlarged. Close that shit before you get discouraged and return to your stalking ways.

Also, as mentioned in Step 3, you won’t be able to view much more than the display picture. So close those one’s too.

The flaccid mouse of "no-click" privacy.

This should leave you with maybe 3 or 4 peoples’ photos you can view.

Note: Do NOT "like" or comment on the photos. Not only is that creepy, it initiates contact and hence makes you a stalker. A creepy stalker...

Step 5: Rinse. Repeat. Enjoy

Once you become accustomed to the 5 Step program you can increase your sleuthing abilities by using multiple friends pages at one time, or even fan pages of things you like.

Don’t forget to enjoy yourself and the fact that you’re no longer a Facebook-stalker but a slightly more respectable Facebook-sleuther!

"Yeah man, you totally gotta check out this honey. Nah, I don't know her therefore it's sleuthing."

Haiku Tuesday

2011-02-08T05:57:00.006+11:00

The culture, the art
Perth really goes overboard
Massive honky nuts

10 Hates

2011-02-03T06:00:00.026+11:00

I'm back with more hate. I redid the original 10 Hates as well. If you haven't checked it out, why not do it now? I got to pimp my shit as noone else will.

1. When you are scattered at an ATM trying to get money and have a tolerance factor of -98873, then the ATM decides it's going to eject your card out over the course of three years.
It's actually slower than in the movie but work with me here...

2. Big hairy venomous spiders that make their way into your house.
It's either you or them. When you initiate the battle, they are on to it, and can become very active and sometimes agressive. Be on your guard. You could kill them with a shoe or rolled up newspaper but then you'll probably ruin the wall's paint job. Alternatively, you can kill them with insect spray but the fuckers take about half a can to stop moving. It's your decision, just kill them.

3. Godzilla spine
You disgusting skinny bitch. Go and have a glass of milk. A burger. Something...please.

Spot the difference.

4. When people say "thanking you".
They are not going to thank you. They have not already thanked you. They are somehow 'still' caught up in the process of thanking you. Honestly.

5. Cheap parmesan sprinkle shit.
It smells like arse. It tastes like arse. But people hear that offering; "Want some parmesan?" and they simply can't resist.

Yaay Parmesan!

6. Beefy, sweaty, smelly and topless Habibis, Marios and Spiros at raves that want to rub up against you.
Nice.

7. Vans with curtains
Get a tint on the windows or don't drive it. That should be the only options. Curtains on a vehicle...losers.

8. Krispy Kremes
"Sigh". I just don't get it.

9. Beanies worn dwarf style
Put that fucking thing on your head properly you tool. PS: Snow White is also over it.

10. People who whistle.
Who is that happy that they have to whistle a tune making everybody elses' day shit. Deranged idiots.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-02-01T05:10:00.015+11:00

Sugar, spice, things that are nice
Hey kids, come join in the fun!
SpongeBob hears you scream

Movie Monday: TRON

2011-01-31T09:00:00.017+11:00

Like a lot of people born just before the conclusion of the 80’s I’ve missed out on a ton of timeless classics. Being of the generation, and age, that doesn’t look too far back in to the past; this often this leaves me in situations where I won’t completely understand some pop-culture references. Some times I’ll be in conversation with a group of people who aren’t much older than me and they’ll bust out a quote that’ll leave everyone else in tears of laughter and me looking confused.

"Huh?"

Of course, you hear about these classic movies, and eventually to do get around to seeing them. However, you can be sure that I know more quotes of movies from before my time than I have probably actually seen.

"Frankly my dear, don't make me go upside your head."

The problem with this is that you have the older generation hyping these movies in a nostalgic, trance-like, way and you think that you need to see this movie. In some cases they’re right and you come away feeling like you’ve achieved something by viewing it. In other cases, nostalgia isn’t exactly like you remember it. It’s exactly like when you relapse in a break up. You initially mourn for each other and you can’t believe that you broke up with someone you love so much… then you get back together and 5 minutes (maybe sooner) after the make-up sex you realise why you came to hate them so much…

"Can't you do anything right? I said one sugar in my coffee, not two! FUCK!"

Which brings us to…

TRRRRROOOO-

Wait, not that one!

TRRRRROOOOOOONNNNNN!!!

I distinctly remember sitting in the cinema whilst watching a 3D movie (there are some many these days I can’t keep track) and the trailer for Tron: Legacy came on. I heard a lot of “Oh. My. God!”, “I can’t wait” and “Hell yeah”s from the people around me. I had no fucking clue what Tron was… Oh wait, wasn’t that a scene from Family Guy?

"Ohhh! So that's where it's from!"

After doing some investigating, I found that my initial thought that this movie was being based on a game was wrong. My trusty research assistant [Wikipedia] informed me that Tron was originally a movie and that it was made in 1982 (before my time), which meant only one thing. Time to watch a classic!

First, I’ll state the obvious and say that this movie was made to cash in on the geeks who just couldn’t miss a movie almost entirely made on a computer. But without giving away too much, it would have been every computer/video-game geek’s wet dream of that time. The protagonist is basically the King of the Nerds, who is extremely cool and famous; indicated by the fact he’s the only smart one that doesn’t wear glasses and he has swarms of video game groupies.

Mark Zuckerberg: the coolest person on the internet.

But the thing is, and this probably comes as no surprise, this movie is sooooo… fucking… boring… There is a story line, but you can tell it was loosely thrown together. I had to constantly rewind the movie several times because the next thing I knew the credits were rolling because I kept falling asleep. I think due to this, I honestly can’t remember what the hell this movie was actually about. Some evil empire in space-age like rooms or something?

Uhhhh...

Like I’ve said before in my last review, just because a movie has the latest technology (and this was the latest technology of the time) doesn’t mean that it will be any good.

So, since I can’t tell whether there were any face palm worthy moments due to my boredom induced slumber, I’ll gauge it by how many times I fell asleep. Which leaves us with:

7 naps out of 10

You can have the best graphics in the world, but as the saying goes “You can’t shine a turd.”

“Shut up Mythbusters! I meant metaphorically...”

Helpful Hints: How to get into a club that has a "no sneakers" policy with sneakers

2011-01-29T11:59:00.001+11:00

If you’re anything like me, you practically live in sneakers. It began when I was a kid with my Jordan VIIs and Asics GT DRIVE X-HIs. I wasn’t always like this though; there was a time where I went through a “proper shoe” phase. Yes, I wore square-toed, caramel coloured, leather lace-ups. I still can’t believe it. It was more out of necessity though, and a need to look older when one was so young. It was also the only way you could get into a nightclub in Perth. Yes, the dreaded “no sneakers” policy.

If you happen to still live in an archaic town stuck in the thirties, you will no doubt come across these ridiculous rules and regulations. Do you detest the thought of putting on pointy, crocodile skin shoes, but still want to shake your booty to some delicious grimy break beats? Well, looks like you’ve come to the right place!

Now, I’m not one to frequent clubs (I’m too old, grumpy, and value my hearing too much), but on this occasion, I had received an invite to some shitty Hip Hop club, and I thought “why not”. Well, technically, my sister got the invite, but we both thought it would be interesting to see a Perth club once again. Hell, we had nothing better to do. We WERE in Perth after all. *ZING*

Word got back to us however that there was a no sneaker policy, AND an entry fee of $20. I know. I have two rules when it comes to deciding on a place to go: No lining up, and no entry fee. I was ready to pack in. There was no way I was wearing “dress shoes”. NO. WAY. But my sister insisted. What if all the people we used to see at the Hip Hop clubs were still there? Clinging on to their youth like a new born baby monkey to its mother. Would it still be full of Curries and Africans? Will Nick Alexander be there? (he's an 'actor' now) So many questions that needed to be answered. I had to go, but how? I scoured my parents house for the appropriate shoes that would still be socially acceptable (in my eyes), if I did run into someone I knew. The best I could find were these patent and ostrich leather beauties:

My father picked these up in Malaysia 2 years ago. Check out that heel.

I tried them on, and danced a jig. They were so bad it was hilarious. But as the reality of wearing them out in public started to sink in, I got more and more apprehensive. There had to be another option. These could be my backup. Plan B. I needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do for Plan A; and time was ticking.

My first idea was to tape up my sneakers (Vans Half Cabs for those playing at home), so they looked a little less sneakerish and a little more wankerish. I was after some black tape, unfortunately all I could find was blue fabric tape. I taped up the white soles, and over the white laces. It didn’t look as great as I expected. I needed another idea.

I needed something black. Something black and shiny. Should I tape up the entire shoe and spray paint them black? No, there wasn’t enough time. What else could I use…? GARBAGE BAGS! Yes, I cut up a black garbage bag, stretched it over my shoe, and taped that baby up. It looked passable…kind of. I asked the family for verification. The consensus was negatory. Garbage bags were not going to work. Time was running out, and I needed to figure out how to hide the sneakerishness of my sneakers. Ruddy hell, I couldn’t just pull some black socks over my sneakers now could I. Hang on a second…

OH.

EM.

GEE!

I think that may just bloody well work! I ran it past the family again for verification. The consensus was affirmative. The only problem was the white writing on the socks. That’s what you get when you can only find black personalised socks. Still, it was only a slight issue, the overall package could still pass. We would just have to see. This shenanigan could work, and if it does, it will be epic.

The whole idea was making us giggle like school girls. What if it works? What if I get caught by the bouncers? And how will I explain that to the others? I was wearing socks over my shoes!! They would think I was mental. Moreso. It was such a ridiculous idea. All the possible outcomes were going through my mind, I was trying to figure out what I would say in each instance, to somewhat hold on to what little dignity I had left. But the time had come, we left for the club. No turning back now.

My heart was pounding. We were standing on their red carpet. Inching closer and closer to the gatekeeper of the club, the omnipotent “door bitch”. As I awaited her judgement, the others in front of us were warned of their attire. Ed Hardy was not acceptable; and rightly so. But what about socks on shoes? I was up next. I held my breath. She looked at me, and ushered me through. HOLY SHIT BALLS. Did it just work? My heart was about to burst. I was only half way through though, I still had to get past the pay area. I wasn’t in the clear.

As I waited at the pay desk, one of the bouncers was eyeballing me. He looked me up and down, then paused on the down. Shit. The jig was up. I quickly darted out of visual range, and once I got my stamp, I ran inside. It worked. It bloody well worked!

I couldn’t believe it. I just bypassed their ever so precious rules. Now, any normal person would have taken the socks off then and there but not me. The party had just begun. There was dancing to be done, and I needed to get my $20 worth of time out of them. It’s a pity that the DJs were proper shit. Nevertheless, with my dignity long gone, I got my groove on.

Once we had our fill of the awful Hip Hop mixes, I ripped off my socks in triumphant fashion, and left them on the couches downstairs. It was my gift.

So there you have it. Need to get into a club that has strict dress shoe policies? First, find yourself a pair of black socks. Secondly, put on a pair of your sneakers. Thirdly, pull said socks over your shoes; and you’re done. It’s that easy!

Remember, the people (bouncers and what not) that you’re up against aren’t exactly rocket surgeons. They’re just normal guys with a misguided sense of authority, trying to make themselves feel big. Well bouncers, I got into your precious club with socks on my shoes. Fuck your rules.

Carport vs Garage

2011-01-27T08:00:00.007+11:00

Returning home from work on a mundane Monday, I open the garage door with my remote then park my car inside. I then press the remote again to close the garage door. Whilst my garage door is closing; the associative winch gives way from its wall fixture and falls onto the garage door itself. The result? I cannot open or close my garage door and my car is stuck inside.

I call a technician to come to my aid. He said he will arrive the next day in the morning. The next morning he does so and fixes the problem. I then make my way to work late to be greeted by my nosey, annoying, sensitive, unforgiving, narrow minded, depressing and stingy Lankan manager.

My manager: "I noticed that you weren't here this morning do you have any personal problems?"
Me: "No I had some stuff I had to deal with"
My manager: "Personal problems?"

I didn't say that.

Me: "Ok...my car was stuck in the garage because I couldn't open my garage door"
My manager: "You couldn't open it manually?"

You annoying prick.

Me: "No, the winch had fallen onto the door"

Awkard silence with him smiling.

My manager: "Ahh. You should be like me"
Me: "In what way?"

I wouldn't want to be like him in any way.

My manager: "I have a carport"
Me: "A carport?"
My manager: "Yep"

He earns three times the amount of money I do and he has a carport.

Me: "So carports are better then garages?"
My manager: "Well look what happened to you?"

Pause to think about my rebuttal. My first analysis.

Carports

Cost	Cheap (like him)
Security	None
Protection againsts the elements	Not much
Privacy	None
Value towards property	None (in my opinion)
Aesthetics	Like dog's balls
Storage of miscellaneous items	Good luck

Garages

Cost	Not cheap
Security	More than a carport
Protection againsts the elements	Heaps
Privacy	Total
Value towards property	Heaps
Aesthetics	Better than a car port
Storage of miscellaneous items	Whatever you want

Second analysis: This knob is responsible for any possible pay rise towards me, even though I haven't had one for years.

Me: "Yeah you're right"

He walks off all happy with himself. I find my place in the cubicle farm and ponder upon the shallow person I've become.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-01-25T05:19:00.008+11:00

"Anglos In The West"
Packed out Queens Park Rec Centre
A sea of curry

Thought for the day

2011-01-24T11:05:00.000+11:00

Christmas sales are over. Now to begin the Easter sales. You can now enjoy savings on chocolate eggs and hot cross buns as opposed to bons bons and fruit cake. Enjoy and embrace the bi-annual difference.

Haiku Tuesday

2011-01-18T06:26:00.004+11:00

Sunny days and space
The grass is always greener
Except in the West

(and this isn't even in the country... It's just outside Canning Vale)

Week in review, with a pic or two: Japan (3 of 3)

2011-01-15T05:12:00.001+11:00

The final chapter.

Japan LOVES these games. And a lot of them only have one prize in them. It's harsh.

Midnight snack: Mc Pork

Oh. It's on now...
They really know how to play with your imagination...

There is something about walking through this arcade, seeing this view, then smiling.

Well done Disney. Well done.

The Arab Parrot was there:

I know.

Cheer up son, you're at DISNEY!!

This whole area (Agrabah) smelt of curry. It's like they pumped it in from the vents or something.

yep.

"Hey FobFace, I'm going to get up on that camel, take a pic quickly. We HAVE to be quick, I’m probably not allowed on it. I get up, you take a pic, we walk away. All business. Cool?"

"Cool"

I turn on my camera, set it to "auto", and hand it to FobFace. I get up on the camel, pose, wait...

wait...

"Did you take the shot?"

"Yeah, I think so"

I get off the camel

"You think so?!?!?!"

I look at the photo... "Fuck man, you cut off my legs and shit, and part of the camel isn't in the shot."

"I'm holding all this shit, and I don't know how to use your camera okay!"

"Farrrrrrrk! Ok, we'll do it again. Just point it at the camel, frame it all up, press the button. Simple"

I wait till the children stop playing with the camel, i jump up

"Ok, go"

pose. click. jump down.

"DUDE! you fucking cut out my hand, and it's all blurred and shit!"

"I'm not used to taking these types of photos!"

"WTF! No one is used to taking camel photos. I'm on a fucking camel. You just point it at me, and push the button. I don't understand why it's so difficult. You don't even have to zoom! Aren't you supposed to be an amateur photographer!?!?! How can an amateur photographer be so bad at taking photos!?!?!"

"I'm not used to your camera man!!"

"It's a POINT. AND. SHOOT. You POINT it, and SHOOT. It's simple!"

"It's the camera! I'm not used to it"

"A good workman never blames his tools. I bet you Terry Richardson never blames his cameras. And he uses shitty disposable ones!"

All up, I think 5 or 6 shots were taken. This was the best one before I gave up:

Wake up son, you're at DISNEY!

To complete the set:

Even the Japanese people were bewildered by this vending machine. It was installed that day.

It's a (animated) touch screen vending machine!!

AND it looks like a face.

Melbourne folk are all up in Tokyo.

Awesome hand style.

Tea party.

All unagi everything.

Princess Heart: Where every goth is a princess.

Dranks.

I can't even remember what this was...

Samurai Darth Vader

Lego

Breakfast: Curry for the curries, noodles for the asians.

Nintendo.

Sakura and red bean mochi.

I'd never tasted anything "sakura" flavoured before, but it's DELICIOUS.
I love eating at rassurants.

yep.

and back to Oz.

*hugs*

xox

Thought for the day

2011-01-13T08:00:00.001+11:00

Lucky we spent all that money on Oprah for tourism.